You have friends (we hope) and you want to throw a football party, but you don't know where to start. Worry not. Researchers at Rube Sports Radio University have compiled the list of the top four necessities to throw the best football bash possible:
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2. The Star Shower
Throw away the ladder. I travelled to Phoenix for Christmas recently, and it's clear that the era of hanging lights from the eaves of the house are long gone. Everyone in the 602 is using something to project an image on the house: a swirling, colorful array of lights. Think Lasers!
For your football party, you need a couple of Star Shower Motion Laser Light Projectors. Simply plug them to an outlet controlled by a switch and when there's an exciting scoring play, flick 'em on. For extra halftime excitement, keep them going the entire halftime performance. Or if there is no halftime performance, tell Google to play some Doors and everyone can sit cross-legged on the floor and chill amongst the lasers for fifteen minutes.
3. Think Sound
You cannot have people over to your house and listen to the game on what amounts to a speaker the size of a quarter. Instead, purchase the beFree Sound Blue 5.1 Channel Surround Sound Bluetooth Speaker System. For a little more than $150, you can have a sweet sound system and a true game experience. We're all about that bass!
4. Bumper Ball
Yes, nothing says 'fun' quite like an inflatable ball that can envelop a human being and allow the human to launch him or herself at a friend. Watch the collisions on screen, and then reenact them in your living room (if large enough and you've already de-cluttered your life) or outside. It's super fun in the snow, where you can pretend to be Nathan Peterman getting buried in a snow drift after a quarterback sack. The Anfan Inflatable Bumper Ball Human Knocker is a great product and will allow you to relive your glory years in the safety of a bubble.
We guarantee that if you follow these four Rube-Approved party ideas, you'll throw the best football party possible. Of course, make sure you prep for the big game by first tuning in to the Rube Sports Radio podcast to get the information you need from the top sports minds in the business.
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Introduction – College football championship. SEC battle, Alabama Crimson Tide versus Georgia Bulldogs. Mike talked about how Nick Saban may be losing some ability, as the Crimson Tide seemed less disciplined than in the past. Aside form the silly penalties, Mike talked about Mekhi Brown, #48 Redshirt Sophomore, Linebacker, who took a swing at a coach and then went back into the game. Saban drops on the Respect Ladder.
Rube Lance had a great tweet about Mekhi Brown (kindly pardon the mis-use of 'there'):
In a surprising move, Nick Saban benched Jalen Hurts and put in Tua Tagovailoa. More on this later as Mike draws a parallel to what Andy Reid should have done with Alex Smith earlier in the year.
News broke that the University of Central Florida received four voted in the final AP poll. Mike and Lance argued about UCF declaring themselves National Champions.
What happened in Wildcard weekend:
Game #1: Tennessee at Kansas City. KC had been favored by 8.5 points. I had said take Tennessee and the points, so I was right against the spread but wrong overall. I figured the Chiefs would fold in the playoffs, I just didn’t think they’d do it against a bad Titans team.
Game #2: Atlanta Falcons at LA Rams. Rams were favored by 6. Color Mike surprised, more so with this outcome than the outcome of the Kansas City Chiefs game. There was a lot made of the lack of playoff experience for the LA Rams roster, but Mike figured it was overblown. Apparently not. Atlanta looked like the superior team, and I really feel like experience had a ton to do with it. Do they have the same advantage next week? We’ll see.
Buffalo Bills at Jacksonville Jaguars. Jags were favored by 8.5. What a snooze fest of a game. The kind of game Lance likes to see. Blake Bortles has a playoff win, and that’s the biggest travesty of them all. 87 passing yards and 88 rushing yards is absurd. How bad will he perform next week?
Carolina Panthers at New Orleans Saints. The Saints were favored by 6.5. Both Lance and I predicted this would be the best game, and it definitely was. Tense all the way. Great TV.
Scotty Terrible Take – John Kiley from Phoenix dovetailed on last week’s STT discussion about Dalvin Cook vs David Johnson. John Kiley on Twitter, in trying to prove how ineffectual Dalvin Cook was at running back for the Vikings, stated the player averaged 91 rushing attempts a game.
Upcoming NFL games:
Lance got confused with the definition of ‘few’ and ‘couple’. Mike cleared it up for him.
NFC games go first each day. Which is good news, because we can all go to bed sooner.
Atlanta Falcons at Philadelphia Eagles: Falcons are favored by 3 at the #1 seed Philly, which must be the first time that has happened.
Lance also takes Atlanta and gives up the points.
Tennessee Titans at New England Patriots: Patriots are favored by 13.5 points. This is a crazy amount for a second-round playoff game, but that’s the nature of the AFC. There’s not much to say. The Patriots have the advantage of this warm-up game before they have to play for the right to go to the Super Bowl. Don’t underestimate that advantage for New England. Mike takes New England and gives up the points.
Lance likes New England, but takes Tennessee and the points.
Jacksonville Jaguars at Pittsburgh Steelers - 7.5 point Steelers. Jags beat them earlier this year, surprising the Steelers. They won’t be surprised any more. And if you can’t score points against the Steelers, you stand zero chance. Mike takes Pittsburgh and gives up the points.
Lance agrees, and also takes the Steelers and the points.
New Orleans Saints at Minnesota Vikings: Vikings are favored by four, but I think this is the worst-case scenario for Minnesota. Offensively, the Vikings won’t play as well as it did in Week 1 of the NFL season. Defensively, the Vikings are the same as they were Week 1. Kamara, for the Saints, rushed for only 18 yards and was the leading rusher. Saints rushing game is better, and the team is playing really well. Take the New Orleans Saints and take the points.
Lance disagrees and thinks the Vikings are an amazing team. Minnesota will hold the Saints to 21 points or less. He takes Minnesota and gives up the points.
Rube Sports Radio #22
NFL season moves into the playoff realm.
Introduction: there has been a ton of controversy this NFL season over our locks of the week. Through it all, we lost track of the records. So, Mike spent time this weekend going through it all, and the records are in. These are the cumulative stats for this NFL season’s Locks of the Week:
Lance – 24/22/4
Mike – 24/25/1
The Rubes have tied, even though Rube Lance pays for special access to a number of specialized websites to broaden the depth of his sports knowledge. Rube Mike just uses his innate sports acumen.
Also, we had a question from Rube Anne who asked: “Is your podcast going to continue after football is over?” The simple answer is yes. The more in-depth answer is that Lance and Mike are bursting with sports knowledge that needs to be released throughout the year.
Lance said there were only two relevant games this past weekend, and he completely disregarded the University of Central Florida. The fellas argued about this, and Lance hold the position that UCF should schedule some big dog from a Power Five conference next year. Mike explained how collegiate scheduling works, and that these commitments are made many years in advance.
The most exciting game of the postseason was the first semifinal, Oklahoma against Georgia. Of course, my take was correct and Georgia pulled it out, but what a double overtime classic. Mike’s champion is still in the mix.
Alabama/Clemson: Lance’s champion (Clemson) was eliminated. Lance now picks Alabama to win it all. Mike is sticking with Georgia.
University of Central Florida: Mike thinks they deserved to be in an 8-team playoff (if there was one). Took down an SEC powerhouse. It’s a shame that a team like they had wasn’t given more credibility.
Divisional review predictions:
The first few shows of Rube Sports Radio were divisional previewed where the guys picked the finishing order of the various divisions. The results are as follows, showing THE NUMBER RIGHT/THE NUMBER WRONG.
Mike = 2/4 Lance = 1/4
Mike = 2/4 Lance = 4/4
Mike = 2/4 Lance = 0/4
Mike = 0/4 Lance = 0/4
Mike = 6/16 Lance = 5/16
Mike = 1/4 Lance = 1/4
Mike = 4/4 Lance = 1/4
Mike = 2/4 Lance = 4/4
Mike = 1/4 Lance = 0/4
Mike: 8/16 Lance = 6/16
Mike = 14/32 Lance = 11/32
Mike wins again.
Scotty Terrible Take – Big head Drew gets on the board with his first Terrible take of the year. The honor was bestowed on him for comparing the loss of the Arizona Cardinals’ David Johnson with the loss of the Minnesota Vikings Dalvin Cook. Comparing an All-Pro with one of the greatest Running Back seasons of all time with a rookie that played five games, and saying the loss of Cook was more significant, made him worthy of this honor.
Mike got his shot in the dark correct last week, and Lance didn’t. If you’re keeping track, this is the third thing Mike got right and Lance got wrong.
NFL Wildcard Preview playoff games:
Lance – Tennessee Titans at Kansas City Chiefs (-8): Kansas City will win the game. The Titans are a worst team than Baltimore, so it’s a surprise the Titans made it. The Chiefs play good defense at home. Take the Kansas City Chiefs and give up the points.
Mike - Tennessee Titans at Kansas City Chiefs (-8): I’m not even a teeny bit of a believer in the Titans. Mariota has failed to progress as a player this season, and if this team were in the NFC it wouldn’t have sniffed the playoffs. However, Kansas City typically never fails to disappoint. And relying on Alex Smith is like relying on a rusty hinge to not squeal. This rusty hinge should have gotten oiled with some Patrick Mahomes early in the season, but Andy Reid screwed it up. Take Tennessee and the points.
Mike - Atlanta Falcons at Los Angeles Rams (-6.5): I can’t believe the Rams are only six point favorites, but then again Atlanta finished the year well and they are defending NFC champions. I don’t like that the Rams blew off last week’s game, whereas Atlanta stayed sharp. Matt Ryan has been on this stage before, but Goff’s star will shine the brightest. Rams to cover. Give up the 6.5 points.
Lance – Atlanta Falcons at Los Angeles Rams (-6.5): Lance agrees with Mike, but feels Atlanta has some momentum. It’s just that Atlanta’s defense is so bad. It’s going to be a close game. Take the Falcons and the points.
Lance – Buffalo Bills at Jacksonville Jaguars (-8): Lance was behind the Bills making the playoffs, but Jacksonville is a good team and McCoy is hurt. Take Jacksonville and give up the eight points.
Mike - Buffalo Bills at Jacksonville Jaguars (-8): is this even a game? Lance’s darlings who he predicted would win the AFC East barely nudged their way into the bottom playoff spot and he creamed himself. That’s okay. Fanboy Lance comes back to reality as his team is obliterated and he’s left with nothing but shattered dreams. Take Jacksonville and give up the points.
Mike - Carolina Panthers at New Orleans Saints (-6.5): This is the cream of the crop of Wildcard games. Sure, it’s a divisional matchup that we’ve seen twice already this season. The Panthers dropped both games in a non-competitive manner. I don’t think Cam can do it all by himself, he needs more offensive tools around him. I have no reason to believe this is going to be any different. Take New Orleans and give up the points.
Lance - Carolina Panthers at New Orleans Saints (-6.5): Lance doesn’t like that he agrees so much with Mike lately. Mike pointed out that his secret ambition was to bring Lance into the fold of sports brilliance with him. Lance has the same pick, and this is a sign that Lance is starting to figure out how to be brilliant in sports. Take New Orleans and give up the points.
The Rubes completed their complete NFL playoff brackets. Look for them on the main page of the website! Enjoy the playoffs.
NFL is nearing the end of the season!
Introduction: Mike had a terrible night – he had a high school officiating gig and reported to the wrong school, brought the wrong officiating jacket, and forgot towel. He ended up taking a ghetto shower and told a story from his childhood how he showered in the locker room of the public pool as a child and dried off with the cloth hand towel that turns in the dispenser near the sink.
Lance had a public service announcement about Cherry Picking. This is the issue where a rube will only quote specific stats instead of all applicable stats. Only the measurable that support their take are brought up, and not the measurable that argue against it. We all know Rubes that do this.
Mike - LiAngelo Ball pulled from UCLA by his dufus dad, and he won’t be playing in college. Getting ready for the NBA draft, even though a few GMs have come out and said LiAngelo isn’t anywhere to be seen on draft boards. What is this guy doing?
Lance had a couple good Tweets and Mike had a couple great Tweets about crying in the NBA. The guys discussed the nature of officiating, as well as how childish the NBA players are with calls/no calls. Fans are tired of it and it affects the ratings.
Mike – Olympics: Russians are out. State sponsored doping. Both Rubes are happy that the International Olympic Committee showed some sack and banned Russia due to its cheating. We are happy that the clean Russian athletes will be able to participate in the Olympics under a generic Olympic banner, and not needlessly punished and banned from competition.
Mike nailed nailed three out of the four teams and called Alabama getting in and the SEC having two teams. Lance called two of the four teams correct. The four teams in to the playoffs are Clemson, Oklahoma, Georgia, Alabama.
Top non-playoff bowl matchups we are excited about:
Mike: Bowl season begins December 16 with a full slate of games, but which am I most looking forward to?
Scotty Terrible Take: Twitter take from a random Rube. We call this Rube out for his rubidity. It just happens to be from the lead analyst of Pro Football Focus. After the Atlanta/Vikings game, this cat said Rhodes had a lot of open room in his coverage against Julio Jones, even though Julio had 2 catches for 24 yards. Congrats on your Terrible Take!
Trey Wingo had a bad tweet too, saying Ju-Ju Smith-Scheuster’s hit on Burfict wasn’t wrong and that it was a bang-bang play. Clearly, Mr. Wingo doesn’t know what bang-bang means, because Smith-Scheuster lined him up for five steps before leveling Burfict.
The Rubes argued about who the best cornerback in the NFL is. Lance thinks it’s Xavier Rhodes. Mike thinks it’s Patrick Peterson.
Uber Rube Johnny Martinez from Phoenix – he and Mike had a great conversation, where Johnny was super fired up about the show. “I realized as I listened to a few shows, that I’m a rube”, Johnny said. Self-realization is what this show is all about. We are all rubes.
Mike - Kansas City lost again, now having dropped 6/7. Is KC still going to win the division? Lance thinks they will. Mike wondered when fans jump ship on this disastrous season. Some have already started to see the writing on the wall. Losing at the Jets is a true low point in the season and in Coach Reid’s career.
Lance – he liked that the Chiefs turned the play-calling over to the offensive coordinator and the Chiefs put up a crap ton of yards (though Lance forgets that Kansas City lost). He also talked about how disappointing Cam Newton has been this season. Lance believes Case Keenum is worthy of NFL MVP consideration. Garoppolo is a great quarterback. In two years the Patriots will regret trading him away.
Mike - Cordarrelle Patterson – 4 catches, 97 yards. Led his team to victory. What an impact.
Lance – AFC and NFC true contenders. There are only 2 real contenders in the AFC. Whoever wins the Pittsburgh Steelers versus New England game will go to the Super bowl due to the home field advantage. NFC there are six teams that could go to the Super Bowl, including the Saints and Seahawks. Mike pointed out that based on Vegas odds, the Vikings have the fifth best odds to win the Super Bowl. Minnesota Vikings with the best record in the league, but only the 5th best odds to win the Super Bowl (behind Patriots, Eagles, Steelers, and Saints). The Chiefs and the Chargers have the same odds to win it all as the Vikings do, LOL.
Mike - What is going on with the Giants, it’s like Reese the GM and McAdoo the coach didn’t want to keep their jobs.
Mike - NFC West strikes again, proving that playing out west makes for some of the hardest places to play. This time, the NFL’s best team went down at Seattle. Why are some teams not allowed to play out west?
Most significant game of the coming weekend (Week 13):
Lance – Lance agrees with Mike.
Mike – Philly at Rams. We’ve proven that the West is tough to play, and the Rams are a good team. If Philly loses this, they lose a toehold on the bye and the Rams strengthen their resume. Since Lance took Mike’s game, he went with Kansas City/Oakland Raiders. Thinks it will be a shootout and a great game. The Chiefs are favored by four points at home.
Shot in the Dark –
Last week, Lance got his Shot in the Dark correct, whereas Mike didn’t.
Mike - Washington Redskins goes into Los Angeles Chargers as 6 point dogs, buts surprises the Chargers with an untimely loss, putting LA behind the 8-ball. Again, Lance took Mike’s game so he went on the fly with a different game. Dallas at New York Giants, and thinks the Giants will win this outright.
Lance – Los Angeles Chargers/Washington game.
NFL Locks of the week -
Again this week, the Rubes select the games for the other to break down.
Mike went 1-1-1 and Lance went 2-1 on last week’s picks.
Lance – Minnesota at Carolina. Minnesota is favored by 2.5 points. This is a test for Minnesota. Case Keenum will step up as always. Minnesota to cover.
Mike – Jacksonville, favored by 3, hosting Seattle. The question is: Can the Jags contain Russell Wilson. Take Jacksonville and give up the 3 points.
Lance – Philadelphia Eagles at LA Rams. This will separate the pretender form the contender. The Rams will win this game as Philly enters a free fall and give up the 2.5 points.
Mike – Washington at Los Angeles Chargers. Washington gets 6 points. The Chargers have been playing well, and Washington is hit and miss. Take Washington and the 6 points.
Lance – New England at Miami, with the Patriots favored by 11.5 points and Gronkowski is out. Lance likes New England to cover in this one. Patriots will blow them out. Give up the points.
Mike – Green Bay going to Cleveland. Packers are favored by 3.5 points. Take Green Bay and give up the 3.5 points. Kizer, the Cleveland quarterback, is a disaster. Lance predicts Green Bay loses straight up to the Browns.
Mike's Introduction: I was on my way to work a college game (Lance and I are basketball officials), and I had a lot of road time ahead of me. I stumbled upon a podcast (Dan Carlin’s Hardcore History). I listened to episode #60, The Celtic Holocaust. It’s a 6-hour show and delves into serious history. Dan mentioned something called The Wicker Man, ancient druids of the Celtic tradition would use these to please the gods. I started thinking that we need a wicker man for all of Lance’s bad sports takes. That’s my holiday wish.
We review NCAA football, because we don’t want NFL to completely dominate our show. Some headlines:
Lance brought up the Greg Schiano controversy during the Tennessee Volunteers coaching search. Lance stated that he didn’t know why the social media uproar existed. Mike clarified by reading the following:
“The putative reason for Schiano’s unpopularity was a 2015 deposition by Penn State whistleblower Mike McQueary, who testified under oath that he’d heard that Schiano had witnessed Jerry Sandusky “doing something with a boy” and done nothing.” From theringer.com, written by Michael Bauman.
Lance remained confused.
The Rubes review the Power Five conferences and picking the conference championship games:
Mike - #11 USC at #21 Stanford. I’m surprised Washington couldn’t make this game. Stanford is an average, 3-loss team. USC is favored by 3 and is by far offensively superior. USC wins this and covers. And will not qualify for the playoff at 11-2.
Lance – agrees with Mike.
Lance – easy victory for Oklahoma and will be in the playoffs.
Mike - #4 Oklahoma at #12 TCU: great game. TCU can play spoiler, but I don’t think they will. Oklahoma, with their crass quarterback Baker Mayfield, will roll the Horned Frogs. Oklahoma favored by 7.
Mike - #6 Auburn at #7 Georgia. It warms my heart that Alabama isn’t in this game, but will they be in the playoffs anyway? Georgia shouldn’t have a loss, and at 11-1 they won’t have another. Georgia takes it. Auburn favored by 2.5
Lance – Lance picks Auburn to beat Georgia. They are rolling coming off the Alabama win.
Lance – used to live in Florida and thinks he’s an expert because of it. Lance likes Clemson to win everything this year, so he picks them to beat Miami in this game. But, he doesn’t think they will cover the 9.5.
Mike - #2 Miami at #3 Clemson: Miami chunked one up to Pittsburgh last week, in a classic choke job. But, if they beat Clemson they have a great argument for the playoffs. I think Clemson is dangerous, but Miami has swag. I’ll take the Hurricanes even though Clemson is favored by 9.5.
Mike - #5 Wisconsin against #9 Ohio State: Wisconsin undefeated but disrespected, and 6-point underdogs. They shouldn’t be on the same field as the top-shelf Buckeyes, but they’ll beat them on Saturday. Wisconsin.
Lance – he is torn on this game because he doesn’t want to see Ohio State make the playoffs. Also, being from Minnesota he dislikes Wisconsin sports. He decides that he wants Wisconsin to win and wants the six points.
Mike - No Pac12 or ACC presence.
Lance – he discusses a dozen different scenarios but doesn’t make a prediction. Typical rube.
Lance thinks the playoffs should expand to 12 teams and Mike thinks it should be 8 teams. Mike pointed out the potential matchups in the first round of a 12 team playoff and discussed how bad some of them would be. A 12 team playoff would dilute too much.
Scott’s Terrible Takes:
This week’s terrible take is from Scott himself. Before the last game, the Minnesota Gophers extended PJ Fleck after they lost in a shut out game. Scott supports it, even though the team lost 4 more games this season and wasn’t the least bit competitive. Mike pointed out that the Purdue Boilermakers finished 6-6 with Jeff Brohm, 3-9 last season. Had success at Western Kentucky. They didn’t extend him yet, why did MN extend PJ Fleck after a miserable season? However, Scott loves it. So bad.
Mike – Oakland Raiders/Denver Broncos fight. Lance was upset because Michael Crabtree got tossed and Lance lost in fantasy football because of it. Mike pointed out that no reasonable fantasy football owner relies on Crabtree anyway.
Mike - Kansas City crumbling: I called it. Lost 5/6 games. Alex Smith with a 77-passer rating over the past 4 games. Do you still think KC wins the AFC West? Lance says yes, he thinks they will still win the AFC West. Mike thinks Oakland will come back and win the division.
Mike – Cordarrelle Patterson with the game winning catch. He is a true impact player for the Raiders.
Mike - Has the Atlanta Falcons offense finally figured it out and peaking at the right time? Lance doesn’t know, but he thinks everyone will find out this week when the Falcons play the Minnesota Vikings in the NFL’s game of the week.
Mike - Who is the odds-on favorite for the final AFC playoff spot?
Next was a bit that Mike likes to call LOL, as in some of Lance’s takes are just hilarious: Lance thought Marcus Mariota will be the top fantasy QB.
Mike thought Tom Brady, who was top 5.
LOL: Lance’s shot in the dark SF to beat Seattle.
Mike’s shot in the dark is Buffalo upends KC straight up. NAILED IT!
Playoff Implication matchups:
Philadelphia at Seattle:
Minnesota at Atlanta
Carolina at New Orleans:
Shot in the Dark:
Lance – red hot Philadelphia Eagles team is going to Seattle. Lance goes with Seattle to upset the Eagles on the west coast. Squeak it out on a last second field goal from Blair Walsh. Mike agrees because playing NFC West teams on the road are tough for every NFL team.
Mike - just when we think the Oakland Raiders might be figuring it out, in comes a scrappy New York Giants team. Raiders are favored by 7 at home, but the Giants win straight up.
Locks of the week:
The guys pick each other’s game to Lock.
Mike – Green Bay in a pick-em against Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Mike hates Dirk Koetter as a coach so much, that on that principle alone he goes with Green Bay here.
Lance – Kansas City Chiefs at New York Jets. Lance thinks the Chiefs have figured it out, and they get their stuff together. Take KC and give up the 3.5 points.
Mike – New Orleans Saints hosting the Carolina Panthers. Saints are favored by 4 points. Saints are coming off a tough loss. Mike thinks they’ve peaked already and are trending down. Carolina is on more of a curve upward. Take the Panthers and the points.
Lance - LA Rams at Arizona. Rams are favored by 6.5 points. Lance takes the Rams to cover.
Mike – Oakland home against the New York Giants. Oakland is favored by 7 points. Mike takes Oakland and gives up the seven points.
Lance - Minnesota at Atlanta. The Falcons are favored by three points at home. Xavier Rhodes will shut down Julio Jones. Take Minnesota and the points.
Mike points out that there were a lot of bad takes from Lance today, filling up the Wicker Man.